I purposely overdose multiple nights a week.

I am 26 yo. Husband & father of 1. The only thing keeping me here is my beautiful son. It is just so hard to continue. I have a horrible addiction. I have burned every bridge i’ve ever crossed. Everyone dislikes me & thinks i’m pathetic. I am a good father & my son loves me & would miss me. It’s the only reason i don’t shoot myself. But i have been purposely taking outrageous amounts of pills & drugs in a russian roulette type game every night. I want to live, but not like this. I pray every day i get the strength to change, but i can’t see a path forward. Idk what to do anymore.