Where are your boundaries between asking for understand/accommodations and masking/conforming?

GenX/Xennial here.

TL;DR: the further down the path of understanding and managing my ADHD I've gotten over the past year, the more sad/irritated I feel at how much I've internalized over the past four-ish decades of my life. Now I'm questioning what's my responsibility, what are "reasonable accomodations" I can ask for, what's reasonable to ask people (loved ones) to understand about me, and where I tend to just give up because subjects it's just easier to mask and conform.

Where do you set your boundaries for acceptance?

A decade ago, I lost a partner to a drugs and alachol overdose. On the road out of that hell, I learned how to manage my anxiety and depression. Back then, I had a better healthcare plan, and with a 12 step program, talk therapy, and at one point SSRIs to help through them worst of it, I put myself on a good path to recovery. During that quest, and the flood of videos and memes on social media, I began to realize that I had undiagnosed ADHD. Over the past year, I've been leaning in to my ADHD and making a determined and concerted effort to prevent my executive dysfunction, time blindness/chronic lateness, and object permanence issues from damaging my relationships with loved ones and hurting my work performance. The details of methods I'm trying are irrelevant to my question, but briefly, it's trial and error of the reputable and widely commented on methods I'm learning on the interwebs and books from the library. I keep doing what works, and move on from what doesn't while trying something new/different. Long story short, I have high deductible health insurance, and I can't afford medical intervention. So I'm bootstrapping and raw dogging my own mental healthcare. I have a good enough job with health insurance, but I don't make enough to afford the deductible to see doctors outside of the "free" wellness appointments I get because of the "Affordable Care Act". (God bless 'Murica /s) Thank the gods my therapist over the last decade at least gives me a sliding scale when my funds are tight.

Anyhow... the more I learn and become aware of ADHD in myself, and the validation of who I am in the community I'm finding, the more I'm aware of how much of an imbalance there has been in my life to conform to be neurotypical and how much mental energy I've expended to do that. My Al-Anon/AA programs have taught me (finally) how to set and honor boundaries in my relationships. But it has come with an unintended consequence: the healthier I get, the more I see what others have been and sometimes still continue to try to project on to me that is none of my responsibility.

If you've made it this far, may the universe bless you. As you can see, I'm an over-explainer, but I've made this as succinct as I am capable of to make my question as meaningful as possible.

So... how do you find your balance with your ADHD, your relationships, and your boundaries? What do you accept and just deal with vs. what do you push back on and advocate for with your ADHD? And if you have it in you, how have you advocated for yourself with HR in your workplace?