How do I look forward to death and look at it in a positive way?

I need to develop a death-positive perspective, because I’ve tried to save myself from it for the past few years but for some reason, I can’t have peace and a normal life and I just can’t be healthy, something horrible always has to happen to me some weird, agonising and dangerous illness so I figured maybe I should just stop fighting so hard against the fact that maybe god doesn’t think it was a good idea for me to be born and the universe is actively trying to find a way to take me out. Cool. I’m too tired to fight against it anymore, maybe I should just let it happen.

Will it be scary? Abso fucking lutely. Will it be lonely? More than anything, I always wanted to die at 90 with a big family near my bed but let’s admit that doesn’t happen to many. Will it be gut-wrenching? More than that. I’m 25 years old and yet I’m so ill and don’t have a normal life, so maybe if I were to survive and stay alive it would just get worse and worse anyway. I’m chronically plus now very likely acutely seriously ill, I have no job, I’m on government benefits, I live in daily constant physical agony. My uni course terminated me, my parents don’t even know yet if they’ll know I’m probably as good as dead. My symptoms are absolutely terrifying. Plus my family already regards me as the biggest burden so at least that will be taken off them, after the obvious initial grieving hit and funeral arrangements. They minimise my pain and suffering and think I’m imagining even the worst of pains which isn’t true. I’ve been to the doctors. I bet you I could be dying in front of them actively and they would just be yelling at me to get up. So my family will just move on and get over me, just like my partner will. I bet you he’ll be shagging someone within a year of me being gone,

In addition to all this, I have the biggest fear of death in the world so now the question to you: how will death be a positive thing, how will it benefit my suffering body and soul? Why shouldn’t one be afraid of the moment we become a lifeless object for an eternity, losing our entire life and everything we could have ever been and have been? I’m so scared of the moment my heart will stop and what I will experience. I need to know why death is a friend, and not an enemy