I gotta say, my dad really is a control freak in telling me how to live my life and doesn’t lead by example, as a father figure should!

I’ve always had a bit of hesitation when labeling my parents as there’s always a possibility that I could be the problem. But over the past few days, I reflect on every event that’s happened and it bothered me quite a bit. I realize that my dad’s always meddling in my life and lecturing me in a hostile way about how I’m wasting time in my age(21) by not learning new skills. Before, I got Cs in school and I would always be attacked for them because it would cost me the chance of getting into university. Now that I’m in university, things have shifted towards.

Now, he’s torturing me about not knowing anything besides school. My grades he no longer looks at. He’s now harassing me for not knowing how to cook, not knowing how to play an instrument, sucking at driving, being a quiet passive person and all sorts of crap that comes to his mind. Each time he throws a tantrum, he always repeats the same things in his tangent even though they have nothing to do with whatever got him mad in the first place.

Recently, he started attacking me for not knowing how to cook. Now, there is some truth to that, but here’s the catch: my sister this morning got the same treatment and she DOES know how to cook. This is inferring that even if I did learn how to cook, he’ll still think that I don’t.

Finally, in the past I began to shift away from eating lunch at home because he uses it as a guilt weapon, telling us how other people have to cook for us and we don’t know how to do it ourselves. Well, I began eating lunch outside and guess the response? He started accusing me of selfishness and how when I feel like it, I just tell them not to make my lunch and this is a case of only thinking for myself.

Now that I started going back home for lunch after the gym so that I could save money and also contradict his previous claims of selfishness, I’m now being lectured at how I don’t talk and ask what’s for lunch. This is very conflicting because he does not create a safe environment for me to ask anything. I don’t want to ask where my lunch is because he could once again use this to say “See, you need people to make your lunch” and then proceed through the berating process. How am I supposed to know whether my question will invoke a harsh or normal response from him? It’s random and if I gamble wrong, I will be the direct trigger of what’s gonna come and that will make me feel sad and especially guilty.

I have two doors to go through in terms of actions to take and both doors are poisoned. It’s not simple for me to pick the least bad option because both are equally bad.