Discarded…again

I’m numb at this point and will try to be succinct. My (35F) pwBPD (30F) has discarded me again, this time I think is the final time as I’m done trying and putting up with this.

Over the past year, she’s left at least once or twice a month, hurling her ring at me and threatenig self-harm.

She comes home to gaslight me, make me apologize and then continue the cycle. I can’t do this anymore, admittedly I’ve stayed longer than I should have.

I’m the “breadwinner” in the family and she doesn’t have a job, so I’m not worried about finances. I’m just angry, sad, disappointed in myself for not leaving earlier, and heartbroken because I do love her.

I know where her trauma comes from, and I’ve tried to help through this journey, but I just don’t think I can do it anymore.

Today, she left because when she was making a really firm rule for our children that didn’t make sense to me. I said, “I know this is important to you. Can you please explain why this rule is so important?” It doesn’t make sense to me or to the children, and it’s a projection of her own (very real) trauma. She blew up at me, called me a bad parent, told me I’m the worst wife, yelled a number of insults and names and left.

I’m not contacting her and am considering a restraining order and divorce papers.

Not sure why I’m posting. Maybe I need to vent. Maybe I need advice. I’m not sure. All I know is we do not deserve this type of abuse. Sending love to all who are going through it with their pwBPD right now.