Too much

I can’t deny that every time I wake up I instantly regret stopping harming my self and living my life. I am an only child and both of my parents have their own families already. They just ask me whenever they need something especially when it is an emergency. I don’t even celebrate my birthday anymore, my mother even forgot to greet me even just send a two word “Happy Birthday” on text or messenger but they always put their children, my step sibs, on social media and they look so happy. All burdens and problem after my grandpa died is all the I carry now. Too much on my plate even though I am single and I do not have responsibilities like having kids or what. I do not even have a car, so less maintenance. But I am always empty. Emotionally, Physically, and Financially empty. I am tired of this shit. I cannot carry all these burden at the same time. I asked for help when my house burned down and they turned me down. Even the church near me. I do not know what I did past life to experience this kind of life. Why do I have to suffer? I studied well and graduated with latin honors because I want to be better. But it turns out, I have to be pressured everyday and carry all these problems all by my self. I live alone in life but I am trying to feel like I can do this and survive this alone, but it turns out it is difficult without a support system. This is too much. I just need a helping hand and I don’t know what I did and the universe cannot give me a helping hand. This is so unfair.