Why and again and again?

25 Mar 24 840pm

Today's Holi and i stayed at my favourite aunt's place , favourite place and I even played Holi with everyone i wanted but I just don't feel happy and i feel sad and I don't even know the reason and everybody was dancing and I was not able to dance , i have danced naturally only once which was on school trip and i realise it mostly when there is festival, celebration type something, I don't wanna feel like this but I can't do anything about it , I tried everything talking to a friend, therapist, medication, meditation everything, but nothing works and this thing let's call it my mental state affects everything my academics, relationships everything. The only thing in my mind right now is to just not die and keep surviving till I reach by my rock bottom but till then I'll keep trying.