Suicide Hotline FAQs

##Why are they asking all these questions instead of helping me?##

We're concerned about you, and we need to assess your risk level. We'll probably ask about your feelings, thoughts and especially your suicidal intent. Suicidal thoughts on their own, even if they're intense, graphic, and disruptive are not in themselves an indicator of immediate high risk; crisis responders and clinicians also assess a person's level of intent to carry out a specific, accessible, high-lethality plan to try and end their life. We may also ask about your history, your circumstances, and your support network (family, friends, therapist, etc.), as these things impact risk level.

The best thing you can do is answer the questions as honestly and completely as you can; try not to second-guess or overthink your answers. If you either over- or under-represent your risk factors, we'll probably suggest options and resources to you that aren't helpful. Most crisis lines don't "screen out" first-time callers whose situations aren't "serious enough". We try to connect everyone who calls with helpful resources that are appropriate to their particular situation. Sadly, a few people do abuse these lines, making it harder for the people who really do need help to get through.

##Will the police break down my door?##

It's extremely unlikely. Involuntary rescues (i.e. dispatch of police or paramedics or both) are not a normal outcome of a suicide hotline call. Anonymity and assurance of confidentiality help callers feel safe in talking to us, and we only breach confidentiality as absolute last resort. Although the percentage of the time that rescues become necessary depends on individual agency protocols, and the available to alternative resources in the community, at my hotline we only contact emergency services for about 1% of the calls we get. Even in those cases, we are usually able to get the caller's consent so they are fully informed about what we're doing. So that means that our rate of involuntary rescues is significantly less than 1%.

Here are some things to keep in mind with regard to involuntary rescues and confidentiality.

• To trigger an involuntary rescue, a caller needs to be at demonstrable and immediate risk and unable or unwilling to agree to an alternative to carrying out their suicide plan.

• We'd rather do almost anything than an involuntary rescue. Breaking someone's confidentiality is always a traumatic betrayal, and our callers have usually already had too much trauma in their lives.

• Rescues are enormously expensive. Whether the caller or the community ends up bearing the cost, it's not something to undertake if there's another option. Also, if we started sending rescues where it wasn't justified, we'd lose the trust of the community and its police and emergency medical services. A hotline that "cried wolf" would soon be unable to operate.

• You are entitled to to know a hotline's confidentiality policy, including their criteria for breaking confidentiality, before you tell them anything. The doctrine of informed consent applies here -- you are implicitly "consenting to treatment" by disclosing your information to a hotline, and you are entitled to be informed fully about what you're consenting to, and you have legal recourse if you're misinformed. But, the onus is on you to ask.

##A hotline can't fix my messed-up life, so what can talking to them actually accomplish?##

• We try very hard to meet callers wherever they are -- even if we can't pull you out of the dark place, we can give you the gift of not being alone in it, at least for a while. This works best if you're honest and open with us, but we do understand that it's our job to earn your trust.

• We understand that people in crisis often lose sight of the options that they actually do have, so we often try to help callers work out short-term coping strategies.

• We want to help you not just feel better in the moment but get to a better place in the long term, so we'll try to connect you with appropriate resources and supports.

##What if they ask me to do something that doesn't feel right?##

It's our job to make sure that the options we offer you are realistic and appropriate. If we get that wrong, tell us, and if you're able to, tell us why.

##I called and it was a bad experience. I still need help, what do I do?##

Call back, and let the responder know what happened. Crisis intervention, especially if suicidality is a factor, is not easy, and not even the experts get it perfect every time. Personally, if I have a call go "south" on me, nothing makes me happier than to know that the person called back and had a better conversation with one of my colleagues.

If you found yourself being rude or verbally abusive, apologize if you can, but either way try to hang in there with us. We understand that people in crisis struggle with self-control, you don't need to be calm or businesslike but it really helps if you can show that you're trying your best to work with us.

If you have a complaint about a hotline experience, please try to report it to the hotline administration.

##I thought "the suicide hotline put me on hold" was a punchline, but it actually happened! Why?##

We try to make sure that we have sufficient staffing levels throughout the busier times, but we have no control over when the calls come in. We try very hard to make sure that all calls are answered promptly and all callers get an initial assessment quickly, and sometimes that means we might have to switch lines before we're done with you. We all hate doing this and avoid it unless it's absolutely necessary.

##I am worried about a friend or family member. How can I make them call?##

You probably can't, but you can call us yourself. Every hotline I know of welcomes third-party calls.

I just don't want to talk on the phone. Can I get help online?##

A large and growing number of hotline agencies offer help via anonymous online chat. If you can't find your local or national agency's website to find out if there's a chat service you can access, use the link at right to message the moderators and we'll try to help.

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I'm a North American suicide hotline responder IRL. I've done the best I can to ensure that this information will be generally applicable to the majority of crisis lines worldwide.