The Planet and the Potheads
I was going to type more waitress stories that I have, but new neighbors just moved in, and this just happened about 2 hours ago, we are still scarred, I have my best friend who was with me here to help me type this out, sorry it's kinda long. TL;DR at end. I am sure I will have more as I live on a dead end and these people just moved in
Be me
actually, be whole neighborhood
waiting for construction on house 3 doors down to end
none of the neighbors introduce selves until today because wasn't sure who was worker and who was owners
moving truck pulls up
workers leave, new neighbors unloading truck
go introduce myself with best friend who is also my neighbor
crossing road and see who we later find out is their daughter, pulling a truck in
truck had trailer attached to it, it's a snow cone trailer like you see at fairs and junk
Introduce ourselves, daughter gets out of truck
comes around the truck to shake hands
she is probably around 25-30 and she is the biggest human i have ever seen
looks like someone put a balloon in her and just pumped it until it almost burst
eyes can't stay but about half open due to weight
mfw her eyes ever have fat on them http://i.imgur.com/StjzO.gif
carrying 5 pizzas
i assume it is for workers inside, or ones that are coming back
hands 2 to parents, says she is going in to eat
parents look around uncomfortably
invite us in for late lunch
no thanks, trying to change eating habits
daughter hears us from open kitchen window and hollers "More for me, then, teehee, I'm already on number 2, teehee"
assume she means slice
hear dad walk in and tell her to take a break for a minute, one huge box left to move in
"but daaaaaaaad I'm starvingggggg"
datbeetus.jpg
offer help when he walks out, so does BFF
all 4 of us grab the box and have to walk past daughter to take it to what I find out is her bedroom
she is 3 slices away from being on pizza number 3
mfw i see her put 2 slices of pizza cheese side to cheese side and take a huge bite
grease drips out of the side of her mouth, i hear a slight gag and she pulls the pizza out
"teehee, a little too much there"
her parents look mortified/embarrassed
they aren't hamplanet, maybe normal sized
tell daughter, who I will call BN for Big Neighbor
"BN, there are 4 more boxes that are yours, come get them so we can take the truck back to UHAUL today"
mfw and friends fw she starts to cry http://i.imgur.com/gvunG.gif
starts yelling and stomping her feet
oh damn, the floor is gonna crack
stand there awkwardly and she snarls, "I AM STARVING, CAN'T YOU MOVE IT YOURSELVES?!?! WOW, YOU DO NOT CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL"
parents are turning red because this is super awkward
"I'm trying to cut back on eating! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME ALONE FOR 10 MINUTES TO EAT?! I'VE MOVED LIKE 15 BOXES ALREADY!! I NEED TO EAT!!"
she is cutting back.
cutting. back. after. eating. 2 .large. pizzas. almost. on. third.
jackiechanwtf.jpeg
she storms out, still crying.
turns to me, i am currently hamplanet losing weight, and fit friend
yells "Why can't these skinny bitches help out? Who are they, some pothead friends of yours?!"
me and friends faces http://i.imgur.com/eCcHz.gif
mom says "no, they are our new neighbors"
BN looks at us....i think
turns bright red, grabs pizzas, and runs back to her room
parents apologize profusely as we awkwardly say goodbye
mother asks us to stop by again, i might, just to see what happens, and the parents seem nice enough
still trying to figure out what the snow cone truck is for
we can hear them yelling on the back patio right now
going outside to chill for a sec.....will report back
TL;DR- new neighbors move in, fatty daughter gets mad that she has to move boxes, cries that she can't finish pizza, calls me and bestie " skinny pothead bitches", mom tells her we are new neighbors, she gets embarrassed and runs out with pizza, can hear them yelling on back deck right now
will report back when we figure out what the yelling is about
Posted Apr 13, 2013, 12:27 AM UTC