I'm done-UPDATE

I had posted not too long ago about my intent to, well, cheat. While I read through the variety of comments, some insightful and some sanctimonious,I was really struck by the all too human tendency to project ourselves and our own issues on our fair OPs.

In any event, I returned to say that I went through with it. While I will spare the details other than to say that I spent several hours in the sack with a relative stranger, I am here to freely admit that I feel absolutely awful.

This feeling, I would note, is not as some of you no doubt expect , the product of guilt. Rather, I was given a brief glimpse into a world that has been foreign to me for all too long. A world in which partners desire one another, where hours can pass sharing an intimacy that has been all but lacking from my life all too long. That we had sex is really something of an afterthought as it is the other aspects of my evening that continue to carve a hollow into my soul and which occupy my waking thoughts. The feel of her hair on my chest, the way she interlaced her fingers with mine during the moment of her orgasm, . . .

In short, this only served to bring into sharper focus my deep unhappiness. Whether I will take action by doing what I know I must to fill the void inside of me remains an unlikely prospect and I must admit that I have no words of real insight to share other than that, for me, cheating has only deepened my sadness. But for a few short hours, I do believe that I recognized, if not actually experienced, what it might to be truly happy.