Happiness feels odd

There were a lot of shit events that happened in my life: my dad was sent to jail when I was five, my older sister killed animals, I was abused, I was bullied, etc. You get the idea.

A couple of days ago, I finally had closure of a burden I carried around for a couple of years. I felt fresh, happy. However, when I realized how different I seemed, I began to get depressed and anxious. For having depression in my life for so long, it feels like it's part of me. Without it, I'm just a bubbly, positive, ignorant person like I was before. I want to have negative thoughts to remind me that life isn't perfect, and once I have something bad happen I'll fall harder than I would. It's kind of funny, I think of my depression and anxiety as my best friends, even if they're my worst enemy as well.

Happiness and being positive feels great, but it doesn't feel like it's me. It's scary.

I'll elaborate if anyone asks, and I'll answer any question.