My Jakoman7 fanfiction titled "Holy Mother of Balls This is One Cool Dude".

One day, Jakoman7 woke up from his sleep, climbed out of bed already dressed in his leather "Tunnel Snakes" jacket, ushanka and jeans. He looked in the mirror on his way out.

Just kidding he didn't fucking do that because every knows he's cool as shit so why would he check? You think he would just stop being cool overnight? I bet you're adopted.

Anyway, he walked into his kitchen. He could hear his cool brother rapping about the Legend of Zelda in the other room. Damn that kid was cool. Maybe he's grow up to be as cool as his brother. I seriously doubt it though.

He opened his freezer which was full of Toaster Strudels. He didn't feel like toaster strudels today though, so he opened his fridge which was full of Danimals, all of which said "Radical!" on them.

Jakoman7 prefers Danimals to Toaster Strudels, because he has a bone to pick with the Pillsbury Dough Boy. I mean, how could such a cool breakfast food have such an uncool mascot? He just fucking runs around and has people tickle him. I mean, how not-cool is that? It's so un-cool, Jakoman7 (but you can call him Jake, if you're cool enough) wants to punch him in his stupid fucking adorable squishy white tummy-wummy goo-goo awww who's a good litt-...

stomach.

So after Jake had downed his Danimals and wiped his yogurt mustache on the back of his hand, he put on his Walkman, and walked out of the house. The song was this one, by the way.

So as Jake is strolling down the street, he sees one fine-ass babe delivering the mail. He decides to get a piece of this fine donk, and walks up to her.

He opens his mouth, and says the most beautiful thing she had ever heard. In her head, it sounded like an immaculate choir of angels playing the violin whilst weeping with Zakk Wylde plays a blaring guitar solo in the background.

"Hey" He said.

Immediately, a waterfall broke out in her panties. It nearly flooded half the town. People were getting buckets and bailing water out of their attics. Ghetto kids were stealing TVs. They called it "Hurricane Sandy", because of all the sand in her vagina.

She got some water on Jake's shoes, and he can't deal with that shit. He turned around and walked to school. When you're that cool, you best be getting an education, just for the novelty.

He took a seat in his English classroom. He got an A+ for being and hour and twenty nine minutes late to class. The bell rang. That was enough school for one day, so Jake walked home.

Now his brother was signing Tony Hawk's skateboard. What a cool kid! Not nearly as cool as Jake though. Jake's autograph is signed in tattoo form on Tony Hawk's face.

Jake went into his room, sat on his bed, and listed to Green Day's American Idiot album twelve times, and by that time, it was time for school again.