First verse written with a theme in mind, lemme know what you think

Came to r/makinghiphop a little too late to record and post this for the Cypher Vol. 17, with the theme being pride and improvement. Hit me with dat feedback

[Instrumental: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvubnFHtAxM]

Even when you pass him in the streets, see his passionate beliefs
Dating back to rugrat days with patches on his knees
Some say he's sick in the head like pathogens, diseased
But to this rap shit he's attracted always imagined he would be

Met with an exceptional reception always four bars
Rich like kids who get sports cars for A report cards
Livin on the 100th floor I started from the courtyard
In the v.i.p for free no need to pay the door charge

But life ain't that simple
Sometimes you dive in face first and barely even make a ripple
Plain and simple, used to think his brain was crippled
But he moved past it and now the intuition's tripled

Crumpled rough drafts in the trash by the desk
Depressed, sippin' flasks to combat all the stress
Checks getting cashed racks on racks getting spent
Then we wait a week to pass and it happens once again

Pause add a comma, thought he was a goner
Now he's hot as Stacy's momma in a sauna filled with lava

Nothing like the feeling when you know you've blown up
Rushing other kids just to be grown up