Rant - I'm losing the one thing I love and I don't know if I can live with myself anymore.

I'm a runner. A high school track runner who busts her ass every day in practice trying to get faster. my coach needs me to be fast since I've been the second place runner for two different events. I have been working since the beginning of indoor track, back in november, to get where I am today. And yet, the freshman who didn't run indoor track is now only three seconds slower than me in my best event. And the girl who hates running and just finished swimming at nationals now has me beat in the 800. And there's two other girls who's times are closing in on mine. I don't know what the fuck to do with myself. They put nothing into running and still they're just fucking awesome and coach loves them and I hardly get a good job running a 5:37 mile today. I sound so fucking selfish but I need running. I need running to get into college. I need running to keep me sane, to keep me from cutting or killing myself. Running helped me get over all of that and now I'm losing it. I'm getting closer and closer to injuries and once those girls beat me, coach won't use me in any races for the second half of the season. I need this and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Every day my knees just get worse while these girls beat me in workouts. I love running and I need it and I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.