I miss my dad... Really bad...

Hello fellow redditors, I have been feeling really down lately. I just turned eighteen years old and my dad could not be with me when I turned into an adult. When I was in seventh grade my dad passed away from cancer. I just remember all of the memories I had with him, a good one I have is that when I was just a little 90's kid, I used to watch my dad play Legend of Zelda a link to the past and he told me how to play it and stuff. We used to call each other bud and pal. I was a kid when he died and I just wish I could talk to him just one more time, one more time I would talk to him and I would be all set, set for life. It has been bugging me recently. I have been trying to rekindle my childhood and playing old games, every time I play them I just remember playing them with my dad. I would give absolutely anything just to play video games with him one last time, I feel like the only time I actually am happy is if I am high or drunk and that's only because it feels good and helps me not think about it. I am numb to every feeling right now except sadness. One thing that cheers me up though is sharing memories with people. If you have kids, please hug them and tell them you love them. If you smoke cigarettes then please stop. It doesn't just hurt you...