Being trans has made me begin to feel jealous and hateful towards cis women and I don't like it. Seeking advice.

I never had a happy childhood. I was always the weird kid who didn't seem to excel in anything. Even when I was like 10 or 11 I would remember feeling super jealous towards the girls because they always seemed to be smarter, more likeable and overall just better than me. At the time I didn't know that was because I'm MTF and wanted to be a girl and I just passed it off as some incel-ish behavior.

Well now I'm almost 17 and have been closeted for 4 years now and shit hasn't changed. I'm still miserable except now I at least know why I'm miserable. I have come out to my parents and some therapists but that's about it, and I've been pushing to get on hrt but with waiting lists and other holdups its likely not gonna make a difference between now and when I'm 18 and can just walk into a clinic and get hormones. And this whole time I'm just looking at my cis friends at school who don't have to deal with this bullshit. They're pretty, they're all super likeable, they're smart, they're perfect. Meanwhile I'm gonna likely have to wait for 2+ years on hormones to even be slightly good looking and likely have to spend tens of thousands of dollars and go broke just for some surgeon to saw my fucking face so I don't punch the mirror every time I see myself. They won't have to deal with family members rejecting them or the practical widespread attempted genocide by conservative politicians across the world against us. And I can't help but get a little angry. And I know I shouldn't because they didn't do anything wrong. They were just lucky and I wasn't.

Every girl I'm friends with is so nice and I want to be as best of friends as possible with them. But every fucking time I'm surrounding by these perfect examples of everything I wish I was then I just get angry talking to them. And it's not like I prefer being friends with guys because they are often way worse on average. It's just they don't make me jealous and hate myself.

I'm sorry I just don't know what to do. I probably need to go back to therapy. I really want to be a good person and I just don't know how to deal with my feelings right now. I would love any advice on how to approach this better.