Going off the depo soon, i'm scared :')

I'm preparing myself physically and mentally to get off the shot after 5 years and i'm so so scared. Probably going to be a long read but I need to get it all out to people that will (hopefully) understand x

I'm 22 and i've been in a relationship the entire time i've been on this bc, my partner is really supportive about me getting off and it's a huge relief that he doesnt mind but I don't know if he's ready to experience me while i'm on my period LMAO. I havent had a period the entire time i've been on it, it's genuinely been the only good part about it since my periods before were extremely severe. So now i'm thinking of getting off i'm really, really SCARED of how my body will react.

I mentioned that my periods fully stopped and that was the only good thing about it because everything else has been a complete downward spiral. I have gained an insane amount of weight in the last three years (i didn't have much at first because i had cancer one year after starting it and it made me lose alot of weight, NOT DEPO RELATED !) and no matter what I do I can't lose weight at all, my mental health has been absolutely destroyed, my sex drive is practically gone and when I do want to have a little bit of fun with my partner, i'll be SUPER in the mood but i'm dryer than a nun and that's when we have to break out the lube (sorry for the TMI LMAO).

I started the depo when i was 17 (march 2019) and now that i'm 22 I'm really worried my periods are going to come back and bite me in the ass for not having them for so long. I said my doctor recommended me BC to help with them and honestly if I didn't i think i'd probably end up in hospital at one point sooner or later. They weren't so much as excruciatingly painful, they WERE, but i just bled for so long and so heavy to the point where i passed out once or twice after turning 16, so when i got in to a relationship and started thinking of BC, the depo was really the only one i felt was right for me and it was, even with heavy side effects.

Another reason I think i need to get off is because for 5 years STRAIGHT i've thought i'm pregnant. Literally. I know i'm not pregnant, i've taken pregnancy tests every three months (at my depo appointments) for the entirety of me being on this bc, so i KNOW i'm not, but for some reason since basically january 1st i've been CONVINCED i am pregnant even though i've had bloods, pregnancy tests and even scans done (not related to my delusions), it's like i'm developing an obsessive thought process over getting pregnant ? all because I haven't had a period in 5 years. I've probably done around 20 tests in the last few months because I cant sleep until I check i'm fine. So I think I just need to have a few periods and let my brain realise there's literally nothing in there but fat HAHA.

I also just don't know who I am off the depo anymore, i honestly feel like i'm just a shell of my former self, so if anything i'm hoping, begging and PLEADING with whatever higher power in the universe there is to just let me find myself again, because my mental health is at rock bottom and i'm getting my hopes up that i'll feel some sort of real happiness and peace while i'm giving myself a break.

I think that's all I have to say :'))

any advice would be greatly appreciated, btw, if you made it this far thank you <33