(28M) Blindsided and dumped after 4 weeks of great dating. I reached out to her (24F) with a lengthy text several days after being dumped and was subsequently blocked and barred from her life. What did I do wrong?

For some context, i'm a 28 year old male living in a big city and have been quite active / successful on the dating apps with 20+ dates in the past year or so. It's taken a massive toll on my mental health, especially after being ghosted by people I really like, but I continue in the hopes that I'll eventually find someone. Most dates have ended up either in incompatibilities (both romantic or values-driven) or unreciprocated interest on either end.

First few dates, forming the connection

Long story short, I hit it off really well with this one girl, "M". First date ended up being 8 hours long and I really liked her. Our conversations, interests, and chemistry were on point, we made out, and had even made plans for our 2nd and 3rd dates. There was no beating around the bush - it was clear we both liked each other a lot. She texted me the day after, we made conversation, and picked right up where we'd left off. We eventually slept together later that week which prompted us to talk about what we were both looking for which, for the both of us, was to become friends first, take it slow and casual, all with the possibility and end of goal of ending up in something serious long-term. We had also established at that point that we weren't seeing other people which I guess was a loose way of establishing exclusivity. I had been talking to several other people at that point but had cut things off with them at that point as I saw this being worth it.

Weeks 2-4

How things played out the next 4 weeks - we spent pretty much every single day together in our second week of knowing each other, both planned and spontaneous dates. We kept in contact while away from each other as well both day and night. I ended up having to go away for two weeks after our 3rd week of knowing each other. While I was on vacation, we facetimed everyday, texted, sent each other music, memes, videos, and just daily parts of our lives. It was clear that we liked each other still and for the first time, i'd let myself be vulnerable, willing to let my guard down and show her not only that I really did like her, but also who I was.

Returning from my trip / our terrible date (week 4)

I got back from my trip on a Thursday and we had planned to see each other two days after that. We had still been fully engaged, initiating contact on both ends, keeping up with one another. But unprompted, and out of curiosity, I noticed that she'd updated one photo on her hinge profile with her most recent look. This left me feeling insecure and honestly pretty anxious - i was on the fence of confronting her about it but at the end of the day, it's not uncommon for people to do and she had every right to, given that we hadn't officially established exclusivity or a relationship.

Our first date since I was back ended up being pretty terrible. I was jet-lagged and sleep deprived, and had also gotten an infection which left me feeling fatigued and in a distracting amount of pain. So not only was I anxious about the hinge update, but I was also just not myself and completely out of it. I had thought about rescheduling the date but I was just so anxious to see her and keep things going that I just went through with it anyways. I felt almost as if everyday I didn't see her meant that she would be talking to and setting dates up with other guys.

We ended up making dinner and watching TV together, something very casual. But during dinner, she proceeded to ask me a few casual questions about myself; where I stood politically, how I felt about XYZ, etc. "M" is a very liberal and opinionated person whereas I'm a bit less passionate about political issues (though still liberal), so it was clear that there were a few incompatibilities there. We proceeded to get intimate later in the night and things ended up turning out a bit awkward because I was too rough and didn't perform oral sex in the way that she liked. We then spoke about our preferences a bit which I guess she found that even more awkward and we eventually just went to bed.

Getting dumped / blindsided

In the two days that followed, she went from sporadic texts to going completely cold. No more memes, texts, anything really. I didn't even think that much of the awkward date at that point because nothing really even stood out to me. And so I was absolutely blindsided by her lack of contact, especially after being so connected for that month prior. On the third day, she finally made contact and called me where she then proceeded tell me she was no longer and interested in proceeding and wanted to see other people. I wasn't really surprised at that point. It ended up being a very candid conversation (but only after I had asked her to be). She started off by telling me that we were moving too quickly and that she wanted something more casual. She started mentioning how she had a tendency to fall into relationships even when she really didn't want one. I asked for more answers and details. She told me she no longer had feelings for me after that date - that she felt something was off with me and how I acted a bit nervous. and that she felt that our political incompatibilities and lack of sexual chemistry were enough of a red flag for her to not want to move forward.

But I still wanted her in my life. I mentioned exploring the possibility of friendship and I had also asked for further clarity in-person. So we eventually made loose plans to see each other the following week.

Writing my letter and getting blocked

I ended up just being really sad, frustrated, confused, and angry for the next few days after she'd dumped me. I just had so many questions, feelings, uncertainties. I eventually decided it'd be good idea to gather those ideas in a letter and just be fully transparent with her. It addressed everything on my mind at the time:

• I acknowledged that I was a bit obsessed with her in those three weeks and that I could see why it'd be overwhelming and a turn-off to her and so I mentioned i'd be willing to slow things down.

• All the incompatibilities she'd mentioned I felt could be compromised. E.g. - I was more than willing to hear her out on what she was passionate about and learn about those things myself and imo, the issues around sex were even easier to resolve with just a bit of communication around preferences, etc.

• I was confused as to why she was uncomfortable with us getting too close too quickly when I was just simply reciprocating and mirroring her own interest. I told her that I would've easily respected her boundaries and expectations had she expressed them to me.

• I mentioned how I'd started to come to terms with the fact that things probably weren't meant to be and that I couldn't change her feelings. I told her i'd be just as interested in a friendship.

Honestly as I type those things above, i'm starting to now see why it was such a stupid idea. It was also selfish and was clearly more my own sake. But I sent it to her anyways.. and within the hour, she responded back telling me how her initial impression of the letter was that it was "scary to receive". She mentioned that we'd only known each other for a month, that she didn't have to give any reasons about why her feelings changed, and that the way in which I sent this to her overstepped her boundaries and disregarded both her feelings and decision. All of which made her uncomfortable in continuing a friendship. She then proceeded to block me on all socials.

I've been absolutely devastated since this response. While I was initially fine in dealing with her initial rejection, for some reason her response to my letter and this complete blocking has hurt me so much more. In hindsight, everything she mentioned in her response was valid and I realize exactly why she would've felt the way she did. My letter was accusatory in some ways and it was just simply way too much.

My questions

I've just been angry and so frustrated with myself for being so stupid and handling it in about the worst way possible. But at the same time, I had no intention of overstepping her boundaries or offending her. Had I even spent a single minute just thinking about how she would've received things, then maybe I would've realized the letter wouldn't have been a good idea. Had I been less impulsive and even had the slightest bit of emotional regulation and patience, then things probably would've turned out a lot better.

But here are my questions:

• Was the note to her truly a terrible idea or did i just execute it poorly? Or is it fine and we just have completely incompatible boundaries / ways of communicating?

• Was she genuinely just turned off from just one night that wasn't even that bad to begin with? Or was she looking for reasons to not want to date me? I just don't understand how someone could go so cold so quickly after spending so much time together.

• What could I have done differently? Was there even a possibility of getting back together with her had i been patient and handled things a bit better? I know it's hard to even tell, but the what-ifs have been calling me and i've just been so angry with myself.

• What am I missing here?