Loneliness got lonelier

I was dating for a while. Posting a lot about this because I don’t have anywhere to put it. I don’t want to make a scene and let it all come to the surface in public with my ID attached as it’s ongoing and humiliating.

I broke up with a certifiable narcissist. I rejected her lunch offer today and gave her reasons (lying, abuse, refusing accountability) and she flipped shit. I ended up having to get a civil standby to get my stuff safely. My gut was telling me this was the time she’d make good on the things she’d said she’d do when she was drunk. The thing I really needed back were my self soothing switch games that I would play after she screamed at me. She must have hid them or tossed them. The officer blamed me for not trying hard enough to be done with her and criticized me for keeping contact over “a couple games”… more like $300 worth. Thankfully, my complex is letting me out of my lease because when I’ve tried to leave before she’s refused to leave me alone. They wanted to reno my apartment after I left anyway, so win/win.

Waiting for my apartment to get rekeyed, I feel the loneliness big time. I was single for almost a year. I loved being alone. This loneliness is deep. It’s tangible. It’s different. I have my blinds up checking visitor parking over and over. My friends are periodically checking on me, but I have that knowing feeling like I shouldn’t have let it get so bad.