My boyfriend is selfish

Is it normal for men to be selfish?

My (21F) boyfriend of 4 years (20M) does not care about my pleasure or satisfaction AT ALL during sex. He says that going down on me and fingering me is disgusting, which makes me feel like the relationship is unequal since I really like giving him bjs and I care so much about being the perfect partner for him. I do everything I can to make him satisfied, which is mostly really rough sex and BDSM stuff, which honestly really hurts and I’ve even had physical complications as a result but he has never showed the same amount of effort for making me satisfied. I’m really into gentle and intimate sex and we’ve spoken about it and he knows it and we have NEVER had it, not even once. I feel so tired, used, and honestly unattracted to him even though he’s a good and sweet partner in every other way. He has never made me cum and he doesn’t even care. He tells me all the time that it’s normal for men to be disgusted by eating pussy and fingering which makes me so ashamed for wanting to feel like someone craves the way I taste and feel, which I go above and beyond to do for him.

are most guys to grossed out by touching and licking pussy? is it a cultural thing? How am I supposed to communicate that I want someone to care about my feelings during sex? Is this a reason to end the relationship?