What to do

My 4.5 year was attending a new Montessori school in our neighborhood for the past year. He will be starting pre-k in the fall. The school just finished its second year of operation. He has learned so much and we loved it initially. However, we are thinking about pulling him out because of the following story. I apologize for the lengthy post, I’m just searching for recommendations, validation, advice, etc.

For context, my son is a smart, cheerful, funny, creative, highly energetic, headstrong, and often times stubborn child. He loves to draw, read, numbers, play pretend, create stories, etc. If you give him any kind of academic project (provided he’s interested), he can spend 20-30 minutes working on it. Because of these attributes, I thought Montessori would be great for him.

The first 7-8 months at this school there was little to no issue other than the occasional “he smart but headstrong” or “he sometimes has a hard time listening, but eventually he’ll follow through.” None of this was surprising, he can be very challenging at home but he isn’t impossible. Overall, he seemed happy, was learning a lot, and liked the other kids in his class. Fast forward to April, his classroom experienced some building issues so they combined both children’s house classrooms into one: more kids, more teachers in one space. That’s when the problems.

The complaints started out as he runs around during circle time, is disruptive during work and rest times, seems hyper, over wrought, and impulsive. The behavior just got worse. Every time I picked him up, he was this crazy kid that I rarely ever saw and was often by himself in a corridor outside the classroom completely dysregulated. When he sees me, he immediately starts to listen, calms, and gets back to being more regulated. I was regularly getting calls to come pick him up during the middle of the day (mostly because he was being disruptive during nap time).

We have had 4 separate conferences with the directors and teachers. After the first one, we agreed to get him evaluated for behavioral issues but that won’t happen until September. We’ve tried talking to him about appropriate behavior at school. We’ve sent extra snacks. We tried a daily report card between his teachers and us. We agreed to do half day for summer so he could rest at home. Yesterday escalated to him throwing and running into a parking lot. This is dangerous and I hardly recognize the stories they are telling me. They claim that it took 4 teachers to restrain him and yet, he’s small and barely 30 lbs. Again, he can be challenging, but he’s not like that at home.

The directors seem frustrated and resigned yet are wanting him to stay and work with him. I have yet to see any evidence of any willingness to figure out what’s causing the behavior or acknowledge what the change is. They want to fix the behavior, not what might be causing it. There is a disconnect between home and school.

Anyways, I’m sorry for the lengthy post as this has been very stressful. I’m very discouraged. This is in no way to disparage the school or Montessori, I’m sure it’s wonderful for many children. Any advice or encouragement that you might have would be greatly appreciated.

Please be kind. This is a sensitive issue for us.