friends and i growing apart

im so lonely even though im not alone. my friends are busy and have stopped talking in our gc. they've gotten boyfriends recently and are spending their time with them or their lives. my only other friend i can't even talk too because her mom took away her phone to "spend more time with her". i've lost my former best friend to spending more time with their partner and never talking to me (and i still blame them instead of their partner). im scared i'll be alone again.

i wish i had someone who'd always keep me in my life besides my parents. it feels like all i have is my games and their fictional universes, which i wish i could get fucking isekai'd into

recently i've been scared of death, of there being nothing, a dreamless sleep never being awoken from; but now i think nothing would be better than being alone, even short-term.