How do I[F28] stop resenting my boyfriend[32M] after getting back together post breakup?

We had a tumultuous affair over the course of a year post which he finally dumped me. What tore us down was his personal issue (similar to what I am about to explain below) that he wanted deal in his own way but clearly couldn't as it kept interfering in the progression of our relationship. I tried to move on for over two months but I had a few personal setbacks on top of the breakup and ended up reaching out to him and by some luck we were back at it the same day.

Since then, I've managed to overcome my personal setbacks (which I think were amplified because of the breakup) and have observed some improvement in him managing his issues. Unfortunately our roles have reversed and I find myself stunting our progression.

I purposefully keep shut about my life now and I can tell it's bothering him not knowing about me. And I do it knowing that it hurts him. He asked me for my schedule to plan our hangouts and I lied about not having time on weekdays, knowing well that he can't accommodate me over weekends so that I don't have to see him much. If all of this wasn't bad enough, we recently had our first "breakfast" together - something I had always longed for throughout our relationship before breakup and I butchered it. I woke up and chose to skip breakfast. He asked me four times and I said no every time despite wanting to say a yes (the first I refused as I wanted him to ask me again, the next time he asked I was offended that he wanted to prepare easy stuff, and then I was reminded of how he had offered breakfast to some old ONS and it just irritated me that it took us a year to get this breakfast and finally I felt like he didn't insist enough on the breakfast - all poor reasons I admit). I refused to keep him company in the kitchen as he cooked and let him eat breakfast alone as I pretended to read a book like an asshole until it was time to leave. This is not at all what I wanted to do but I did and I hate myself for it.

I am grateful that he loves me (this has never been an issue) but find myself wanting to get back at him for some reason. I can't tell what's bothering me and I fear him getting to know about this because I don't want him to leave me. As much as I am trying to sabotage things, I want it to work. His presence, even in our silence gives me an inexplicable peace and strength.

What can I do to make things better for me/us?

TLDR: I do batshit stuff to drive boyfriend away after we got together again despite not wanting to hurt him. help!