Might be fucked in the head because of the net

tbh I really don't know how to start this post, so this probably has to be a stream of consciousness kind of a thing.

So, I think a lot of my issues stem from the thing I'm using right now and my relationship with it.

Every day I game or use Discord to avoid doing work on my uni stuff that is honestly not even that difficult for me. Due to that I usually just do it in a short period of time or, as of recently, use ChatGPT to help me through this (and by help I mean just do the entire thing). And if I manage to muster some motivation to do something, I start feeling anxious about external (politics, economics, basically shit i have only internet-user level of understanding of) or internal (feelings towards family and friends and myself, phone addiction), to the point where I don't know if the thoughts I have are really my thoughts (specifically talking about feelings towards family) or are influenced by the Internet.

My focus on familial issues stem from, well, using the computer excessively as a kid and teen and tween. My mom saw the problem that I had with the electronics and tried to limit their use, theough first calmly saying "turn your computer off", and then later yelling or shutting the thing down forcibly. Later, she tried to limit access to the Internet either through taking away the cables from the Wifi router or tinkering with the PC in a way that it wouldn't turn on. Basically, it was like a game, where I would try to find out how to get access to my devices again and again. It caused a lot of frustration and resentment towards her and it still does even now. Like, how did you not see what was happening to me and intervene in a more meaningful way.

It sounds immature and stupid and I know that.

Like, I know I'm not telling the full story. I know it's my fault for letting things to go out of hand and that she was a working woman and everything, and she didn't know the effects of the Net and how I could have been so persistent with the Net and yada yada. And it sounds like a lot of victimisation of myself and bullshit like that. I'm just blindly lashing out on the world for the problems that I have. It's not justified. I know.

Honestly I don't know why I am writing this post now. To get validation for some shit or try and resolve this issue that I have. I guess I want the latter but reflecting on the text that I have written it doesn't seem to be the latter and more like the former.

I know what I am. An addict. And I feel like I need help. So please help? Thanks.