6 months out

Been just about 6 months out of my (24M) 7 year relationship/engagement with my PwBPD.

Been in weekly therapy, tried medication, reconnected with friends and family I was isolated from, made it through 2 month spiral of offing myself thoughts and depression. Finally getting back into my old hobbies like gaming and cars that I was always criticized for.

I’ve clawed my way up out of this and the subsequent depression several times now. I’m proud of myself for existing and still continuing to try and doing this completely alone.

But damn do I still hurt and grieve this loss. Painful shit Thought I’d be happy or feel like myself again but I just can’t.

Especially hard when I’ve given up substances and live alone in a huge house in a new city. Just tired of hurting. And I guess being alone with my thoughts.

Try not to come on here this subreddit too often because it makes everything real again. PTSD is not fun. But I know people on here might get it. Because friends and family don’t seem to understand this isn’t just some breakup.

Well I’m still hurting even as much as I work on myself and show up to work and try to keep going. I know the relationship was dangerous and unhealthy and that this is for the best. But grief feels just as dangerous and unhealthy sometimes too.

Well sorry for the venting. Best of luck to you all

Keep going. Day by day