Trade Scenario: ‘98 Bulls for North Korean Nukes

Now that the season is over, I’ve been having a hard time filling the void without any games to watch. I’ve been keeping myself busy by running trades through my head, but I keep getting stuck on this one. Given the current geopolitical climate and, albeit grossly misinformed, knowledge I have of Kim Jong-un, I truly do believe that this is the West’s best shot at disarming North Korea and attempting to bring hegemony once more to the Korean Peninsula. 

The rationale behind my belief is pretty simple: Kim loves the 90s Chicago Bulls, and they may be the only thing that he would be willing to exchange for his ICBMs. I chose ‘98 because it’s objectively considered to be one of the greatest teams of all time, if not the GOAT. If we were to somehow send NK the entire roster, then this trade would be done in a single phone call. Hell, I’d even be willing to throw in Jerry Kraus’s bones.

As to the negotiations, I think it’s safe to assume that Dennis Rodman would be a huge piece needed to broker this deal. Due to his preexisting relationship with the North Korean dictator and familiarity with the North Korean way of life, Rodman could be an excellent liaison. Obviously, unprecedented freedoms and liberties would be given to Rodman, unlike those received by any other American diplomat before. He’s a guy that needs a long leash, and I think he needs the autonomy to negotiate on behalf of the States with full sovereign authority.

Although bird law states this type of deal is doable, I’m not sure what the actual laws and restrictions are that would prevent trading sovereign citizens of the United States to another country. They may have to take one for the team. While we may need to tip-toe around these finer details, I think this can really be a solid foundation for the hottest NBA trade this summer.

Thoughts?