how can I end a healthy relationship?

I'm '26M' and so is he, 17 days younger. we've met in high school, graduate's year. it was in 2013 when we first met and we've shared our whole process of acceptance being queer. in 2020 we've started sharing an apartment, he wanted to get out of his parents' and I had a spare room to rent. we'd matched as best friends since the first moments we've interacted. loyalty, trust, security, common grounds at family understandings and growing. making out used to be a thing after parties, getting stoned, only making out. from 2019 to 2020 we'd lived through being in an open relationship and realizing what lacks and what could've worked, since we got apart because I was making out with someone else at the same party and he'd seen it. friendship shaken, we've started living together while being only friends. we couldn't handle the sex energy and the urge of getting affected by each other. we started doing couple things until he got the courage of proposing to a serious thing. being a couple. as we were already living together, though there was another room rented to a friend, we were able to ask him out so we could live only a couple. and it's been terrible since. I feel less desired and frustrated in sex, even being 27, I feel uninteresting, he's hiperfocused in work and lacks energy in our home life. and it's been almost a year, I've tried to communicate my lacks, my frustrations, we've been both seeing therapists (me since nov23 and he started a month ago) and I feel very selfish for seeing and being grateful for his love, careness, partnership, but it lacks in touch, sex, and I feel dumb, you know? like if I decide to verbalize: I love you but we need to break up

not only dumb, but also unfair, because it's as if I don't have reasons enough.

I'd lived other breakups, but they were relationships that harmed me, they weren't healthy, they didn't have family attachments, nor lived for this long

I feel like I am small for thinking only about the lacks, you know.

in conclusion lol... I just need some tips from queer people... I feel like my goal with this relationship was building a family, home, you know... and when it falls to the lacks I feel from not feeling seen, desired, touched, it makes me think if I'm not being unfair, or too idealistic...