Omicron Ceti takes a tumble

freshman in college, join novice rowing team

paddlin, scullin, gettin dat lat spread

tough practices weed out wusses and fatties pretty early on in year

not 100% effective though

enter Omicron Ceti (Ceti for short)

at start of season in Autumn, Ceti actually quite fit, seems to have rowed before, but a bit of an attention whore

probably a bit taller than 6' (~183cm), maybe about 190 lbs. (~86kg)

starts showing up less and less to practice as weather gets colder, stops completely when we start indoor training

rule was that whenever you miss you have to email the whole why you are missing and what you're doing to make it up

Ceti's excuses were always shit, if he even sent an email at all

whatever, he still has to pay monthly dues, so more money for the team

kind of forget about him after a while, just thought he quit

he starts showing up again in the spring, just before the spring break trip

first time he's back, don't recognize him at first

Ceti looks like his hydrogen has been exhausted and is now a red giant star

either that or he's been hitting the dorm food hard

flew right past freshman 15 and went straight for freshman 50

seriously looked like he now weighed 240 lbs. (~109kg)

face scrunched up from fat, massive gut, pushing his clothes to their limits

his seams win most valuable team member that year

have no idea how he's going to row like that, but it's a club team and he's been paying so can't kick him out

of course, he's going to the spring break trip with us

lucky for me, I don't have to sit next to him on the 20 hour bus ride

second day of the trip is where fat magic happens

we wake up to a unusually cold and foggy morning

run to the lake for practice, but it's not particularly pleasant or safe to go out with all the fog

coach takes us to a nearby hill for sprints and general cardio for a bit while the fog dissipates

has a special surprise for us

coach sent the coxswains (people on the boat that yell "stroke!", etc.) into town to buy munchkins (basically donut holes) from Dunkin Donuts for the team while we do drills

first drill: hill sprints

at coach's count, run as fast as you can up the hill. whoever got to the top first each time was to be awarded a munchkin, and he would keep score throughout the drills until they arrived

goes about as you expect, fast people are getting points, and Ceti is finishing last

after a few rounds, someone accidentally starts before coach says go

coach stops the count, but guy runs to the top while the rest of us wait

coach chuckles, says, "well, since you made it up here first, you get a munchkin"

someone else at the bottom says, "if that's the case..." and makes a fake false start

people kind of laugh for a moment while gears turn in Ceti's head

for a shot at laughs and maybe his only chance at munchkins, he should run up the hill too!

takes one awkward step into his false start and collapses on one knee

doesn't get up for a sec

he makes this awful noise like a cross between a gasp and a shriek

ohshit

ofw he's legit hurt and we're not sure what to do

can't walk, needs help back to the van area so we can take him to hospital

later find out he indeed broke his femur (!!!) just by slipping

takes the three strongest guys to help him hobble on one leg

coxswains are back with munchkins by now

start passing them out to people cause they got enough for the whole team and the score thing was just a ruse

finally get Ceti to the van area and we are getting him prepped for hospital

between labored breaths and sobs and what I imagine is incredible pain, he lets out a meek "Coach"

"Yes, Ceti?"

"Can I have a munchkin?"

Epilogue: He left the trip early obviously, and was no longer on the team since he couldn't compete with a broken leg. Still saw him on campus sometimes with an official school golf cart. He would try hitting on girls by offering them a ride. He got fatter.

TL;DR Supposed freshman athlete puts on 50 lbs. in a few months, still comes on training trip, severely hurts self in the pursuit of attention and food, still has the audacity to ask for donut holes.