what's going on here

have known (single) ap for almost a year. we were off for a few months, have been back on for a few. it's been really lovely and so much more comfortable than the initial months; while previously he was more avoidant, now he is very consistent and makes me feel safe.

also during this last year I've been in the process of separation/divorce. this is partially due to ap's influence, but not because I think we'd end up together. as much as I might like it, I don't see him in my future, as he's very noncommittal.

my stbx and I have been physically separated for all this time, so it's been easy to get close with ap. from the start I was open with ap about my marriage/situation, it did not turn him off. he asked what I wanted, I said fwb.

fax (somewhat chronological order):

• wanted to know all kinds of info about me, as a person and about my marriage (I was reluctant, as I didn't want to catch feelings)
• asked me for exclusivity early on, in the first week
• when I asked if there was someone else (at the time I didn't know he was avoidant), he made up that there was, 'so i wouldn't get attached'
• doesn't like it whenever i suggest i be able to do the same as he does (re seeing other ppl). also has previously said, 'if you want to see someone else, see them, and don't see me'
• when asked about polyamory, said he prefers a monogamous relationship
• often asks who I'm with. eg when I didn't answer his call, when my passenger car seat was far back
• has said he loves me while lovebombing (don't worry i just laughed in his face) and during sex -- one of these times, he made me say I loved him (see post history). later when i asked him about it, he laughed very loudly and gave a plausible response
• said he feels many things about me, but not love (but cares about me ofc)
• has cooked for me pretty often. very early on, he asked what stbx did for work (cook). a few days later he made a very nice dinner that required day-before prep
• has said multiple times he doesn't want to be in a relationship
• when I asked what would make him want a relationship, he said being able to provide financial support
• consistently asked about the progress of my separation
• was annoyed i kept calling my stbx 'husband', told me to call him 'ex'
• gets upset when i tell him anything that sounds like i might get back together with stbx. like when I mentioned that I was afraid I'd regret filing for separation. the other night, he was upset that my stbx is trying very hard to spend time with me, to win me back. he's afraid that I will fall for it
• doesn't want me to have any contact with stbx (even texting, let alone in person)

some of this could be cultural differences, as he's from a different country (patriarchy and such, though he's very gentlemanly).

I don't know what changed, but in the last month we've gone from seeing each other once a week to at least every other day. we text every day, at all hours. we've lightly discussed living together (for cost reasons), and even moving out of state (for better opportunities for both of us). it feels like a relationship in spite of his reluctance to commit or label it. I'm enjoying the time with him now, but I'm also afraid I'm a placeholder and it comes up once in awhile. I'm confused about what he wants with me.

any analyses?