Fuck shit tits bitch

I don’t even know what to say rn I’m so mad. Nothing seems to go right. Everything is always fucking complicated, everything I do is wrong, it seems to just keep getting worse and worse. I honestly believe I would be better off dead right now. I’m not even going to bother to call the suicide hotline because it’s a fucking joke. They put you on hold and it’s like at least 20 minutes before you get to talk to someone. And even when you finally get someone it feels like they don’t care and want to rush you off the phone. Last time I called it was like a five minute phone call but I was on hold for over 40 minutes. It’s a fucking joke. I felt so guilty and weird when I finally was able to talk to someone. And don’t tell me to talk to a loved one because no one gives a shit. Everyone in my family is self centered. No one knows how to communicate effectively and it’s just screaming and yelling and I hate it. I hate it here. The only time I’m happy is when I’m high. People keep saying oh it’s going to get better. Is it though? Is it honestly going to get better? Because it seems like everyday it keeps getting worse. I’m not going to kill myself but god the thought of not having to exist seems to nice. I’m not going to kill myself but the thought of self harming seems like it would help. I’m not going to kill myself but oh my god I want to.