false memories

this happened before i got ocd. so i have this schoolmate that i find pretty because she looks like bona from wjsn (kpop idol & actress) and i really admire bona that time, i'm a fan of her. i always see her in the campus but we're not interacting and i don't have any plans to talk to her, i just really find her pretty with no intention to cheat with her.

unfortunately, i have this bad habit or personality of mine, i don't know what to call it, but i always feel the need to be seen as beautiful and kind person, so i always try to show off my charms and pretty face but with no intention to seduce anyone, i just really like it when i receive compliments about my looks and personality.

so i always do that bad habit of mine to almost everyone (i know it sounds crazy and unhealthy, i'm working on it) including to this girl. actually, i'm very interested and envious of her class, they're known as the smartest class of my batch, and they all seem so kind, my classmates are close to almost all of them and i want to as well. so, i always try to have a good and beautiful image to their class not only to that girl because i'm not trying to do anything with her.

i know to myself that i have no intention to cheat that time and it didn't even bother me that i find her pretty because i know it's normal, what i'm afraid of is CHEATING, so i know that i will feel guilty if i have any feelings or intention to cheat that time, but i didn't and almost 3 months has passed.

but now that i have rocd, this memory came out of nowhere and made me feel like a bad person because it told me that i probably cheated that time, maybe i'm just not aware, maybe i just don't remember it clearly, and maybe i am really a cheater. i was with my boyfriend when that thought came out of nowhere so i got so quiet and cold towards him, my eyes were watering because all i can think of is that i'm a cheater and i need to break up with him as soon as possible.

but the fact that the thought of cheating didn't even crossed my mind 3 months ago, proved that i really don't have any intention to do it.

does this sound like a rocd? finding someone beautiful/handsome is normal without having intention to cheat with them, right? T_T