You Hurt Me

I don’t even know what to say. You kept me up til 5 a.m. demanding a conversation. All I could do was just sit against the wall and cry. Last night was an all new low. You hit me so hard in the face you made my ear ring. My arm hurts to move. My elbow is all swollen. I’m probably going to have to get it looked at. You had no care for anyone else screaming around the house starting at midnight. You threw water on me and in the process, you got the kids who were in bed with me too. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do from here. I put my all into this bullshit believing it would be better one day. Believing you actually wanted to fix things and figure it out. I’m the idiot, I know. I always am. I can’t help but see the good in people. But I see you for who you are now. And I’m just stuck in this house with you. I don’t know whether I hate you now or not. But I can say, the love is gone. I hate myself, I hate this life. I don’t feel like there’s anything here for me anymore. I failed, I failed everyone around me. Most of all, I failed my kids. You belittled me until I felt like nothing. The little cries that came from me as you shoved me into the kitchen counter and hit my head into the cabinets and my elbow bent back against the counter, broke my own heart. How did I end up here. I flinched and cried every time you came near me. You wouldn’t let me leave the house. I don’t even know where I’d go anyways. So I just sit here. Dreading the day ahead of me. 2 hours of sleep, barely. 9 months of a lease left. How am I going to get past this. I just want to pack everything up and drive somewhere far away.