I’m so sorry

Dear younger sis,

I just had a memory pop up of us fighting when we were kids. We use to fight a lot but this one time, we were kicking each other on opposite ends of the couch. I remember exploding in rage and kicking you as hard as I could, on your stomach…and how you started crying. I feel fucking terrible for that and I can’t stop crying thinking about it. I’m so sorry I hurt you.

I’m trying to figure out why I did certain things as a kid and I think we just grew up in very poor circumstances.

I think of you and how your life turned out. You got the worst outcome out of all of us, and you’re the youngest. I want to help you so bad, I wish there was something I could do to make your life better.

See, every time I think about you and mom and dad, I go down a dark hole. I just want the best for everyone, for y’all to be healthy and happy.

I’m sorry I don’t talk to you as much as I could. That’s going to change though, you can come over to my tiny studio apartment and we can do sister stuff. I’ll do your makeup and hair. I want you to know how beautiful you are.

I wish you would take care of your body. I know it’s going to cause issues in the future (and even now) and I can’t let that happen to you.

Everyone else in the family treats you like you’re a burden, and I’m sick of it.

You need to know your worth. Fuck, life can be so cruel and unfair. I hope you end up having a good life with everything you want. I know you can achieve that, you just need the support and guidance.

From now on I’ll try my best to be there for you.

I love you sis 🩷

-R S