I think I pretty much have no choice anymore

So I’ve been trying to do this recovery thing on my own for a long time now. I’ve suffered from EDs for over 20 years and it’s very hard to break some of these old habits. I’ve finally gotten up to an almost normal weight but I can tell I’m still very much in quasi recovery.

I had some weird results come back on my recent bloodwork that basically indicated that my bone marrow is shutting down. I had to see an oncologist and she was actually worried it was some sort of leukemia. I had a ton of tests done and they determined it’s not leukemia but that I should see an RD who specializes in EDs to get additional help. I feel like such a failure for not being able to do this myself. But I’m also too poor and too tied to my job to go to IP or an IOP program. I’m actually pretty scared. I guess your bloodwork can be fine until it isn’t. Wish me luck everyone—I want the second half of my 40s to be better than my 20s, 30s and first part of my 40s.