How it all started ( 18 year old whiteboi)

A few months ago I was snooping in my mom's bedroom ( looking for clothes to try on) and I came across something out of the ordinary. In my mom's closet I saw something big and black in a plastic case. Out of curiosity I go and grab it, and to my surprise it's a massive BLACK dildo. Like it is 11.5 inches long. I was in complete awe of it. I took it out of the case and just stared at it for like ten minutes. Once I was done gawking I thought I would compare it to my white clitty just to see if I could compare to BBC. But to no one's surprise when I went to compare it, my clitty was limp, unable to get hard and was about five times smaller. This permanently cemented in my brain that my inferior white dicklet could never compare. I mean I couldn't even get hard lmao.

Between that time and now I have been exploring this reddit and other BNWO things and watching TONS of blacked porn. Man, blacked porn is hot! Anyways I have been seeing how pathetic whitebois like myself pay reparations to bbc and ballbusting caught my eye. So a few days ago when my parents were not around I went to get the dildo to have some fun. I put on some nice pink panties to get me in the mood. Then I started to worship the dildo by sucking it for a good 15 minutes. Once I was ready I started playing https://milovana.com/webteases/showtease.php?id=53753 and just started slapping my beta white balls with the massive bbc dildo to the instructions. It hurt so damn good. Once again I was as limp as they come, it's like my pathetic clit just knows that I can't compete. So, that's how my journey is going. How am I doing so far? And please give me further advice!