Just A Game

What is this? This little game we play? The one where I open the door and your eyes land on mine and then A tangle creeps through my chest and up to my neck, The one where I catch you staring at me from across the room, and yet you don’t instantly look away. The one where you touch me so gently, so tenderly with every chance you seem to get, and where I, against my better judgment, don’t pull away, but sink in to you. The one where high-fiving becomes handholding. Where innocent jokes become arms around each other’s shoulders. The one where glances melt gazes. The one where passive goodbyes are laced with something intangible. The one where You seem to marvel at my words, my laugh, my smile, my eyes. The one where we seem to gravitate toward each other, and my head betrays me for the millionth time. Where your voice, your tone puts me at ease. The one where none of these things should mean anything, and yet I’m beginning to wonder if it might. The one where I know so much, but not enough. Where I sometimes wonder if you know too much, or not enough. The one where when I think about it, it doesn’t make sense. You and I. We shouldn’t make sense. We don’t, really. It’s the one where people say we don’t. Where I want to believe that we don’t. We can’t. It’s the game that has changed so many times over the course of a year or two. A game of half a step forward, two steps back, two steps forward, one step back, three steps forward, and then four, and then almost a fifth, before stepping back five, and then somehow six, maybe even seven steps forward, without my realizing. The one where I thought I knew everything, but really, I might not know half of it. The one where, no matter what, we can’t talk about it. Not now, maybe not ever. But still, the one that I’m afraid could become unavoidable. The one that makes me feel so young, but scares me to think about for too long, too far. The one that leaves me with more questions than answers as time progresses, but yet a part of me expects clarity eventually . The one that irks me, flusters me in the most infuriating way. But the one that makes my day in the most perplexing possible way. The one that makes me wonder, was this ever even a game?