New member who might need advice, but mostly rant

Hi. So i have been having tough as of late. I have been having it rough before in the past, but i am afraid that this time its worse. I just have these horrible thoughts and the only moment of peace is sleep. And i just feel so crappy because i shut people out. I dont tell people that shit is bad, i just pretend that things are fine and might not even contact them. How do i deal with this? Am i an asshole for coping in this way?