Anyone else lost all motivation after gaining weight?

Around when I was 16 I started working out a ton. Tracking my food every day and consistently working out basically daily. I lost a ton of weight and body fat and was the leanest I’ve ever been in my life. My confidence skyrocketed as I gained all these things I didn’t know I had while I was chubby and insecure. Sharp jawline, visible cheekbones, my whole face transformed aswell as my body. Eventually it all came crashing down and I stopped eating good and working out which led to huge weight gain. Currently 20 and my life is absolutely miserable. I’m nowhere near the weight I used to be. I’m no longer lean and I have a belly I try my hardest to hide, my old clothes don’t fit me, my face is back to its usual chubby self which is the worst of it. Every day I wear oversized hoodies to hide my body, at the bare minimum I’ll wear a jacket over a t-shirt just to hide myself even in hot weather. It’s effecting my entire life essentially. I refuse to partake in any photos with family/friends because anytime I do I’ll always wind up seeing them and feeling terrible. I try to avoid going out as much as possible. I can’t enjoy anything in my life that involves me being with other people because of how much I despise the way I look now. It’s a 24/7 issue. At the start of the year I told myself I’d give it until the end of this year to make a change and finally be able to live my life again, otherwise i’d just “give up” (not sure how sensitive this forum is with that kinda stuff) because I cannot live my life like this. I’ve tried a lot of times but working out and taking care of myself this time around seems 10x harder and I’ve just become lazier and more depressed so it seems impossible. Currently 10 pounds down without even realising which is a nice start though. Anyone else going through anything similar like this?