The enduring attraction of MH and why, as with ‘05’s Pride & Prejudice, I have obsessively rewatched it as an almost soft form of therapy

It’s been written about much on this sub, the parallels between the storylines of Pride and Prejudice and Maxton Hall. I’m going to attempt to lay out some thoughts on my experience obsessively rewatching these media, and the how and why they are so attractive as a form of sort of soft therapy for me. Basically, why do I keep returning to these to rewatch them for comfort? Bear with me, this is a long one, and I’ve spent a good amount of time editing but still I am prone to rambling 😂

I want add some prefaces by saying I’m nothing close to a literary or media scholar and only have my own perspective, however limited, to draw on. And (on an intensely personal note & as you can see from my Reddit post history) most of my activity on this platform has been centered around unpacking my own childhood trauma, sprinkled with some random gossip threads and now… this one. I also am a middle aged bi white female, and a mother, married to a male in the US, and I acknowledge my limited perspective because of who I am. So I certainly come with my own baggage and only ask that replies remain non judgmental of this and overall please stay kind and productive to the conversation. I’m interested in dialogue and sharing options in a positive light and have already shared some really fun exchanges with many of you, and hope to share more.

Finally to note, I am referring to the 2005 film adaptation of P&P— having only read the book decades ago and long forgotten it, the movie is my main source of inspo here. As well as the reason d’etre for this sub, the series Maxton Hall, obviously.

To start, I have to say it has sometimes surprised me as I am, much like the lead females, fiercely independent and my whole life I’ve been focused on my own path. So on the one hand there is the draw of seeing myself in these women. Both Ruby and Elizabeth have intense and well developed inner lives- we see them both reading while smiling quietly to themselves, and at different points expressions/scenes of them in some way dreaming or introspective. Ruby’s story being set in a contemporary setting means she is pursuing her own career and independent life; but nevertheless we do see a parallel with Elizabeth who refuses Collins’ loveless hand even though it would have guaranteed her security. Both of these women have full, bright senses of self that are unsullied by the surrounding story arcs of anybody else including the main male characters. Their perseverance in the face of any distraction and their overall strong willed characters are no small part of what attracts the male leads, of course, but also what I relate to and see myself reflected in.

Next, I have often wondered whether my 21st century feminist self is substantially at odds with a core theme of these stories: there is a strong element of the female in some sense ‘saving’ the man, or through her strength of character giving him some direction and purpose. Indeed in MH James has a monologue as we see Ruby travel to Oxford about people with inborn compasses that are just ‘right’, clearly referring to Ruby, and some that are ‘broken’, referring to himself. In one of the final scenes of P&P where Darcy confesses his love again, he tells Elizabeth she has ‘bewitched’ him, which to my mind is admittance that in a real sense her being has overtaken him, providing a more full direction and a clearer path to his life. Perhaps we will see more of James growing himself independently in s2 (I have not read the books), but my guess is especially based on other posts and spoilers I’ve read that he remains tied in his identity to Ruby in a core way.

In P&P we see Mr Darcy wrestling with all of this in his first awful proposal to Elizabeth in the iconic scene in the rain, where he admits against his ‘better judgment’ he still wants her. There is a strong theme of a man finding himself more fully through a woman, but especially in these stories a woman whose socioeconomic/social status is deemed inferior or unsuitable, and I have struggled juxtaposing this against my own feminism and deep misgivings about patriarchal culture and the infantilization of men and objectification of women it often allows. I do think there is some deep desire in women to act at least a little bit as a sounding board, a mirror, or a support to men’s emotional maturity and growth; I think this has been propped up in patriarchies over the centuries in extremely toxic ways but I do believe there can be a balance here and a healthier way ‘through’ this dynamic. I am thinking of a love between two people going deeper than the shallow tropes of male vs female offered to us in a very binary, patriarchal framework. As long as the woman is not giving up parts of herself in the process, is there any harm to her providing a guiding light to these men? I feel there is more to unpack here but I’m not sure where to go with it.

Overall, I have found a deep and resounding sense of comfort in rewatching these stories, and in addition to the notes above I think there are a few other things at play. There is on the one hand the predictability of the stories; by now I have nearly memorized the scripts, and the arc of enemies to lovers. The actors and performances in each are exceptional and completely draw you in. And, the stories themselves so beautifully elucidate this deeply human desire to connect so fully with another human you become like pieces of a puzzle, connecting in all the strange parts of each other, and even while breaking apart on occasion the coming back, and finding each other in the end is inevitable because there could be nobody else for you. This is the third deep draw that I have found: The intense, focused love that Mr Darcy and James evolve from a previously like, broken or stunted state where they at first seemed at odds with the female leads. There is something timeless in that feeling of security that an enduring love from another person holds, especially one that has resulted from one person substantially changing their minds or overcoming their own biases.

So, the ‘soft therapy’ these stories offer support me as especially recently I have struggled with the chaos of the world and constant news cycles full of cynicism and doom. These stories are full of hope, personal growth, and a deep humanistic dedication to another person. I’ve commented elsewhere as such, but the way that both James and Darcy simply look at Ruby and Elizabeth is as though they are observing something sacred, a deeply cherished being. And, isn’t that what we all want in the end?

Look forward to the ensuing discussion 💕 and thank you if you’ve made it this far!!