(I would just like begin by saying I’m not here to debate with others on spiritual beliefs, agree or disagree. I’m simply speaking on my experience hoping to maybe find others like me or relatability or perhaps guidance/advice from those who have gone thru similar experiences. Perhaps venting a bit, but really I’m just trying to innerstand myself and this path more)

[intro/background] hi there, I’m 21 I have been deeply into metaphysics, personal spirituality, and the occult since I was 17, when I had a major spiritual awakening that shifted me into psychic mediumship and also granted me spiritual gifts/clairs that I am still learning to use and protect and integrate. I struggled immensely with mental health since about 10 and do have a history of abuse in my family; it wasn’t until I had this first spiritual awakening that I finally found Faith in God/higher power which honestly saved my life.

I do believe in mental health and therapy and such, and I have a very high amount of self awareness when it comes to spirituality bc of the overlap with schizo and other conditions, but through this path I KNOW I have helped others more than hurt anyone. Truly. I have done my damn research 😹

But <I> still struggle immensely. I don’t know how to integrate. I feel the call to many good things and paths that will help me, but in my life I am solo, I am young, I am a mother, and I have a very taboo lifestyle that contributes to the struggle to connect with other humans socially. (Nothing new I also struggled socially growing up, but as an adult god this is fucking torture) 😭😭

I know I need support and more people like me, but when I do connect to others socially, I’m always their advisor and reader too. I feel used for my spiritual gifts. Jesus!! 😹 This is the first time I’m vocalizing it but truly, since receiving these higher “powers” I feel so used for my gifts. I fear using them for myself at times. 

I always perceived spirits and other entities since I was younger, but honestly I had no clue what they were until I was an adult because I just thought “oh this is just life. There will always be these little creatures around us”. When I had my awakening I could communicate and channel the other side and would even experience minor spirit possession (not in the evil or negative way but more so like, I was still conscious in this vessel and would take a backseat as the spirit would use me to pass on their message) (honestly, it was partially consensual but also I think I had very poor boundaries when it first started).

Now I have my personal beliefs built more. For myself, I work with meditation, prayer, breathwork, self realization, self inquiry, ancestral veneration, deity work, automatic writing, tarot, candle prayer, and elemental work. And other things perhaps.

I’m so afraid. I feel very alone <PHYSICALLY> . In my human age, I am at the point where I am maturing, I am adulting, to take off on my own. But I was alone energetically, far before I was as alone as I am now. I have lost so many relationships and my character has shifted DRAMATICALLY . I feel so ancient now. I struggle to connect with others. I DO identify with neurodivergent but to me it truly all sources to the spiritual aspects of this experience.

I never asked for this, I swear I did not seek out to open my third eye or try to astral project or whatever it may be (I mean no offense to those who have). This was placed on me, <given> to me. And now I feel so alone.. I don’t know how to be better. I’m still trying to heal from the traumas and abuse in my human body and psyche for years but now I have this greater responsibility to myself and God to embrace and learn about this <thing> placed on me. I’m so tired of always being the bigger/biggest person, for everyone else to look to as teacher. I’m so young, I’m so small. And I still have so much on my plate as one person. As one person who’s struggling to do the life game alone.

[inquiry] how do I integrate my spirituality into physical human life? The psychism integration?? Any of those in similar situations who had spiritual awakening placed on them as opposed to seeking it out, how have you coped ?? I’m still struggling to accept it all. To me, God and Light and the higher dimensions are truly so infinite.. in this body I don’t think I can ever accept them All. But I would like to try. I would like to devote myself to the spiritual work and elevation. I’m trying.

[personal] I feel deeply called to solitude. My favourite saints, gurus, and teachers, all experience this deep detachment from The World. My personal spiritual beliefs are inclusive of all world cultures that resonate with this body’s path. I already feel detached and it scares me to think or conceive of realities where I am even further detached. Because even now I feel so zoomed out when I’m with other humans. I KNOW I am not alone! But how long can spiritual energy be my friend before I find the physical or material comfort? I feel lost guys. I feel overwhelmed and even burdened by this responsibility to do GOOD with this greater vision. Please any words that are pure intentioned, discerning, and light guiding, I welcome and invite you with open arms. I don’t know what to do anymore with this side of myself. World responsibility can already be soooooo much at times. I want to be a more Whole Being. 🫶🏽

Tags for visibility: (#144000 , #unityconsciousness , #psychicmedium , #shamanism , #christconsciousness , #starseed , #witchcraft , #indigenousspirituality , #ancestralveneration , #spiritualintegration )

Spiritual Integration (??)