I lost my virginity to an absolute madwoman and I regret it so much

I was 26. She lovebombed the fuck out of me and made me feel special. No woman had ever called me attractive before. No woman has EVER called me attractive other than her. I've been called a creep. Pedophile. Weirdo. All based on my looks by strangers and I'm so ugly that when I was twelve I was physically assaulted simply for being ugly...I don't get it. But she looked past all of that. Then when we got together she just tore me apart, lied to me, cheated on me and utterly saddened me every day. I wish I was a virgin again sometimes because I'll never find a woman that actually finds me attractive or a single human being that knows what it's like to wake up an autistic victim of lifelong abuse and loneliness. I can't hack this anymore. I hate my body so much. I hate my face. I want to die man