my diagnosis has been controlling my life

tldr; well by the title… obviously… but i feel like my diagnosis came out of nowhere and now i dont even know who i am. sorry for this being lengthy

i (f/21) was doing telehealth with my psychiatrist for generalized anxiety and seasonal depression (i experience depression in may-july bc of a reminder of my brothers death and december-january bc of his birthday) i’ve been experiencing these since 2019.

and in seeing her for about 4 months in 2022, i opened to her about my inability to sleep through the night, so she asked me 4 or 5 questions:

1. do you sometimes feel really sad and other times really happy? (yeah)
2. were you ever suicidal? (yeah)
3. do you make smart financial decisions? (yeah)
4. can you sometimes go long periods of time without sleeping? (yes i suffer from anxiety)

and in doing so, she immediately diagnosed me as bipolar 2 and put me on medication (oct 2022). i had been seeing her for 3 months on telehealth for about 5 minutes each session. it’s always been “how are you doing? any plans? how’s the medication? “anything else i can help you with?” and thats it

first like she saw something i didn’t, but then i felt like the diagnosis just changed my life forever. i dont want to stigmatize myself or anyone when i say that either. the medication she put me on made me feel like i really didn’t know myself. i had an entire episode after being put on something where i was totally irregular in my words and behavior and barely even remembered until the people i offended brought it up to me

i just feel like i don’t even know myself. and currently i’m in school with hopes of being a therapist and now i don’t even know what to do with myself.

i got taken off bipolar meds since jan 2024 bc they weren’t working with my anxiety medication. and i feel like i’m returning to myself again. am i just trying to deny my diagnosis? and the fact that i’m really bipolar? i don’t even know