Whats my vocation as a SSA person?

Sorry if this feels like a rant or anything, and sorry about any grammar mistakes

Firstly, I dont want to pity myself much since every Catholic at one point in their life have to live in celibacy and carry their cross, but I dont think I will ever be able to marry and have kids.

I dont know why I am like this and I dont try to question much, unlike most people think about homossexuals, Ive never been molested or anything. I think this is probably related to my autism/asperger

I think I have a inclination to both sides, but leaning more to males. Lately I have been overcoming my desires with my morning prayers and daily rosary, and I feel everyday more happy to participate in the church. Even with that, I know the inclination is still in me, and I think it would be selfish to never tell a woman about my inclination just to fullfill my dream of raising a family, and I just feel unworthy of marrying a woman.

I have a younger brother and I try to teach him about the bible and ask him to pray the daily rosary with me and my mom. It meant a lot for me watching my brother grow up and learning everyday about Jesus life. I also try to preach to my close friends but it seems useless, since all of them are secular atheists and it seems like talking with a wall most of the time.

I dont think priesthood is for me and it will never be possible anyways, since ive been suicidal at one point of my life and used to selfharm (which im really glad I could overcome this and now I have a much healthier and happy lifestyle :))

I know I will be "lonely" for the rest of my life, and acknowledging this is a hard thing but I know I will be able to overcome this with faith in God and appreciating little things in life, Im just feeling a bit lost about what should I do to serve God in this life