Domestic abuse, homelessness and excel spreadsheets

I wrote recently about being told that my marriage contained coercive control and emotional abuse.

It's been quite a roller coaster since. I'm homeless!

Our daughter broke down at school calling home "unnatural" and her tics were back with a vengence. I begged him to move out. Last week I was on my mum's sofa, this week I'm house sitting for a friend, next week I hope to have a spot in the women's refuge but who knows. My husband stayed in our house when he could have moved into his mum's 3 bedroom house. It's only her there with no mortgage. Instead, I'm sofa surfing with our daughter.

People around me are confused by how I process it all. I just cry a lot. I can't think straight to do my job. How would you work through it? I'm not furious. There is no shouting. Just quiet background processing.

I've started journalling which has led so some epiphanies, but my greatest lesson in who he really was is my much loved spreadsheets. As memories come back, I've tracked the contradictions. I've tracked how he's given us two choices in an event, both being bad. I've worked out percentages of income given to the family. Ive tallied household responsibilities. 67.03% of his income goes to the household. 100% of mine does. 93.5% of household responsibilies come to me. He works 15.7% more paid hours than me a week.

I was bewildered before. Now I have colour coded domestic abuse to help me see what he's really like.

Hurrah for excel!