Was this COCSA?

This is my first time posting or even speaking about this but I just woke up this morning and started thinking about it again. I’m not sure if it’s cocsa but years ago when I was 11yrs old me and my friend were out swimming in my pool. I don’t really remember what conversation led to this but she told me she liked me like had a crush on me. Now I don’t ever remember getting the impression that she liked me that way I mean maybe she liked girls but I don’t remember her ever showing interest in me like that so I was confused but 11yr old me who was the only black kid whom rarely got told someone liked her was quick to respond back with I like you too. I don’t remember much after that but we were in my room and I can’t remember what she said exactly but she suggested we kiss. I was nervous so we ended up putting on blindfolds like the sleeping masks on and we kissed. To me now that wasn’t traumatic that seemed like just innocent experimenting but then later on in the night she suggested I lick her private part. I keep saying suggested but idk I just didn’t know what was happening like the most information I had on sexual inter course was from straight relationships. Now way before her I knew I liked girls I just couldn’t accept it because I wasn’t introduced into sapphic relationships. So when she was suggesting we do these things I was visibly confused but at the same time she was my friend. Probably my best friend. I was left out by the other kids a lot during this time and she was the first to invite me to a birthday party in years and the first to consistently have play days with me so I thought I should feel safe with her I guess but I don’t know I mean I was scared to kiss her and I had no idea on sexual intimacy between women? Like I know for a fact that for sure that never should have happened but was it cocsa? Trigger warning I’m going to be describing things here.

After I did stuff to her she did stuff to me she touched me and licked my private area of which I thought felt good idk I never felt that sensation in my body before but after all of that the next morning it was like something switched. I should mention this was her last night in the city before she moved away. I asked her about the night and she pretended like nothing happened. I felt hurt and weirded out but went along with it. She gave me a necklace and left. I had talked to her on and off since she left but eventually we stopped talking. I never spoke about her and I wasn’t sure whether to take that as my first time with a girl or a moment I should never remember because looking back on it we were kids and it wasn’t right. I threw out that necklace too. I just feel sick about it and idk I now have bad anxieties when it comes to relationships and I’m hypersexual which leaves me feeling constantly disgusted by myself. I’ve come out since this and idk I’m afraid that if I came out with this experience people will invalidate my sexuality.

I’m sorry if this wasn’t very clear this is the first time I’m actually speaking about it.

Please be kind I just want to know if this was cocsa or experimenting. Please help I’m open to all opinions on this matter. Also if you actually read all of that thank you.