It is going to get worse

I was diagnosed with MDD when I was a child and later with BPD when I was in my 20s. My grandmother was bipolar and my dad schizophrenic, so there is a genetic component to my condition.

For a long time now, I have been on medication and tried different types of therapy, but I am resistant to all of them and my doctor mentioned that the 'genetic component might be at play here', with that in mind I later received a letter from my GP stating that they would not be able to help me any longer with psychological/psychiatric treatment, and if I wanted further treatment I would have to get it privately.

The issue is that I can feel my mental health is getting worse. Anhedonia, constant headaches, joint pain, restless legs, constantly crying for no reason, trembling and to top it all I occasionally have auditory hallucinations and some 'mild' visual hallucinations. I am afraid that growing old might not be an option for me, I don't want to spend the rest of my life having issues with depression and its consequences and I hate the fact that this might be genetic, I hate that things are getting worse and these hallucinations are becoming more common than they used to be.

For a long time now all I want is to find some inner peace but it seems that it is not an option.