Former client texting constantly for advice while using OBs in this next pregnancy.

This one is for the midwives, but can also serve as a PSA to clients in the sub.

Midwives, I usually try to make myself available to clients in the 18 months after birth for advice and help with random things like weaning and teething. I’m a self-employed homebirth midwife so I don’t have the same clinical distance that some of you have from your clients/patients.

One of my former clients got pregnant again 5 months postpartum because she didn’t follow any of my advice for birth control or any of my advice for using fertility awareness method postpartum (pacifiers and bottles).

She reached out to me in a panic when she found out she was pregnant, and I talked her down over several days and she became excited about this pregnancy.

I made sure to ask is if she was looking to hire me in this pregnancy (she was not). She had thrombocytopenia in the last pregnancy and didn’t follow any of my recommendations and ended up getting risked out of care. She liked the hospital okay and didn’t want to pay out of pocket again with insurance billed later. Understandable.

I absolutely do not ever want to work with her or her husband again. They were leaches of my time and energy and I was spending an average of 10 extra hours per week with emails, consults, texts, etc. She wanted me to read so many things, but never did the courtesy of reading the things I sent her or implementing my advice. She just wanted to spiral with me, send me things to read and discuss, then she wouldn’t do anything with it.

I spent hours on the phone with her and her husband the night I risked her out. I explained clearly my scope of practice and the legal ramifications, yet they kept pushing back on that. They begged me to do a homebirth anyway, and I was very clear that they here was no way I’d do that for people who followed literally none of my advice to date asking me to go into a birth with a high risk of hemorrhage and a high risk of pp transport due to blood loss.

She had no respect for me and my time, texting day and night with minor questions that should be reserved for appointments. For a 6 week period she regularly texted me at 6-6:30 am or after 10 pm despite me telling her that it was not okay due to me not being able to silence my phone while sleeping when on call.

They paid me my deposit, then never paid me again until 34 weeks even though I told them how inappropriate it was to not pay in regular expected intervals per our contract while taking trips and ski vacations, but telling me how tight money was. Ugh!!!

In the end when I risked them out, I took $600 off the fee just to get them off my back because in their words “I wasn’t going to pay an assistant anyway”. My contract explicitly says full payment is due regardless, but I caved because I was so tired and I wasn’t sure I’d get anything from them at that point if I didn’t acquiesce.

Since the birth she has been hounding me for insurance billing (through another company that I have no control over) and is generally making my life hell still. She’s not happy with the amount they’ve gotten her and makes it my daily problem.

She texted me tonight about her milk supply diminishing. She complained about how her current care providers and lactation consultant are useless and how she knows I’d have better advice.

I responded saying that I cannot make recommendations for this pregnancy as I’m not her care provider, but recommended a book (again), shared that her output was still great by most standards, and recommended pumping or nursing more often as well as comfort nursing if she could stand it.

I wanted to text her saying that she was trying to get a Midwifes advice without hiring a midwife, but my husband had me nix that part.

I should have sent it.

Well she texted back with another wall of words and questions, and ended with “I never want to cross a line with you, but there is no one’s advice I trust more.”

I am not available for her due date and wouldn’t take her on as a client if I was. I have never worked harder for a client who gave nothing back emotionally or joy-wise, and didn’t put in their own work. Still, she’s in contact with other clients of mine who I do value dearly through the playdates and meetups that I’ve done.

I want to tell her explicitly that I’m not available without being super rude. This is the text I have prepared so far—can you help me refine it?

“____ , you're crossing the line. You are trying to use my expertise and time without hiring me. You want a midwife without hiring a midwife.

I am not available for your due date any longer, so this is not a ploy to woo you over to my care. I just can't do what you want this time. If you don't want a homebirth and a homebirth midwife, find a doula. They can help with some of what you're seeking. “

Is this okay? My husband thinks it’s a bit harsh, but has not witnessed all that I’ve been through with them. I just want to make it clear that I’m not available for all of this, and I want them to understand (in the nicest way-ish) that they have abused our relationship and my time.

I feel like it’s really important let them know that they have abused me, my time, and our relationship. Husband disagrees, but he’s an executive who had to always keep people happy. I am not, and think that people who leach and use small business owners should have understand that we are not their lifetime servants.

She and her husband make excellent money and make poor choices with that money. That is not my fault. I have gone above a beyond prenataly, during the birth, and postpartum as well as after support.

I’m. So. Done.

I also don’t want to be inordinately rude. Help!