It's hard to self care in an indifferent world.

I am just defeated.

Every interaction that I have seems so fucking fake. My friends don't really know how much I suffer.

I lie all the time, I lie to myself, I lie to my parents. Lies is all I am.

They all think I am some sort of a nice guy, helping others, working hard. Truth is I am stuck working a job that I absolutely despise, unfortunately it is the only job that could pay me good. I lie to my parents about my self care. I used to go swimming regularly. However during Covid I started overeating and I quit swimming.

My friends don't know my apartment is filthy. Cleaning makes me sick, all is overwhelming.

I just want to rot and wither as I am still in my 30s.

I fucking suck and sincerely I don't want to see myself in this world for any more than 2 seconds.

They don't see I am a fraud. I should to be tossed in a pile of garbage never to be seen again by any human eye.