AITAH for wanting to Invite FIL & wife to my daughter first 1 bday even if it will hurt MIL.

My MIL & FIL got divorced 5 years ago because he cheated on her with her current wife. But that’s not the whole story. 5 years before they ended their marriage she had multiple affairs and was gonna even leave him for another man because she got caught. My FIL tried to forgive him and work on their marriage but just couldn’t get over the fact she slept with many men of the course of 2 years. He begged her for divorce and she kept refusing. So he took the coward way out and cheated on her with his now wife. The whole family blew up. Everyone started hating FIL and forgot all about what MIL did 5 years before. Well that has created a monster of her play this victim card and blaming all her rude actions on her ex husband.

Fast forward to now. My FIL has been really trying hard to build his relationships with his kids. He drives 3-7 hours to see all of them just for a couple of hours. He always offers to pay for everything for us to go down and see them. He still isn’t the greatest guy but he is trying and his wife honestly makes him a better person. I like her.

My daughter’s first birthday is coming up and it’s a big event and I don’t want to have more than 1 party. We can’t afford to have more than party. I also don’t think it’s fair that he keeps getting out in the dog house just for her sake of MILs feelings. I think as an adult is our responsibility to get the help we need to be able to move on. Her other two kids are going to be getting married soon and she has already stressed out her daughter so much that she getting married at the court house to just avoid the drama. I don’t thinks fair.

So I want to rent out a big enough space for everyone to come and eat food and watch my daughter eat her first cake. Open gifts and just have fun. The space will be big enough that they won’t have to sit together. My husband will tell his dad to not try to start a convo with his mom because knowing him he will try to make light of the day by talking to her. That will be horrible. We will give her lots of heads up so she can mentally prepare and we will give her the option that if she doesn’t want to come to the party than she is more than welcome to take us out to dinner and make cake for my daughter and it will just be her and us. But I’m done catering to everyone feelings and spending so much money to make all the grandparents happy.

I know she is gonna ask me if I would do this to my own mom and I will say yes. I already told my mom that when she moves back I’m not have two separate parties. She can either come to the one I set up or she can fork over the money for a dinner and cake and have a little party with us. I don’t think it’s fair that kids have to keep paying the price for their parents crappy marriages. Because both of my husbands parents were horrible to each other and their kids.