CW/ relapse

i just relapsed after 1 year clean yesterday. it wasnt a big cut but the fact that the >!bl4d3!< still went thru and i bled and there are multiple still makes it a relapse for me. i was drinking my feelings not feeling like there was a point of anything. im sick of my parents and feel scared all the time. there's was so many things happening yesterday that was preventing me but i did it anyways. i feel numb. i dont feel real. i feel ashamed and like doing more. i fucking relapsed and i couldn't be strong